As God’s inspired Word to Us, what does The Bible tell us of God’s Design for Family and for Marriage?

PART I

God’s purpose for marriage:

• Genesis 1:28 – “God blessed (the man and the woman) and said to them “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”
• God’s design is for marriage is for one man and one woman lifelong and goal of having children as part of the family unit established with that marriage.  A new family is created with a marriage.  A family that grows as children are added. . Genesis is clear on God’s purpose of creating each family unit around a marriage of one man for a lifetime to one woman.  Divorce is revealed as a concession to man’s disobedience and not what God desires or intends for humans.  The hardness and sinfulness of humans resulted in need for divorce.  BUT GOD’S WAYS ARE FAR BETTER AND GOD’S PATH TO REDEMPTION BRINGS GREATER HEALING AND BLESSING. 
• Matthew 19: 4-6, “At the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.  Jesus then focuses on children and says, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
•  Divorce does hinder children from coming to God and thus something must be done by the church to NOT let this happen. Many suffer when we turn from God and follow our own sinful desires.  We give up more than we realize when we sin, but we also fail to realize how our sinfulness hurt others, especially those we care about.  We can choose to follow or reject God’s law and will.  But we can’t choose the consequences of those choices.

The church has a Biblical responsibility to uphold the marriage standard by:              

1) Training couples interested in being engaged and married

2) Marriage enrichment once married,             

                                                                                                                                                                                                            3)Marriage mentoring when marriages are in trouble.                                                                                                                                                     4)Mentoring families that have experienced divorce.                                                          5) Senior couples coming along side young couples spending time with and befriending but also  to strengthen and share wisdom and encouragement.               6) Younger couples seeking a closer walk with Christ and a stronger marriage and family discovering and learning from mistakes and wisdom from experiences of elders in church and community. But also to recognize and minister to the elder couple’s needs as well. 

                                                                                                                                                    7)Honoring God and expressing love for Him by cherishing and helping who and what is precious to God – Human beings, marriage, and family unit.

What is important in marriage?

1. Listen – Good marriages come from partners who are also best friends who listen to each other more and before talking. .  Taking the time to listen first before forming a response in our minds.  “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1.19.  God gave us two ears and but only one mouth. Maybe that was to remind us to spend twice as much time listening to each other as talking to each other.  But we are so eager to talk or so focused on putting a response together in our minds that we are deaf to what our partners are saying to us.  We may even get angry with them over something we think they said instead of what they really said.

For women in particular, having someone to listen to them is important. When the husband comes home at night from work, a woman wants to talk about her day. The husband is often tired needing some quiet time before facing any more problems. Yet, it is the process of listening, which can begin very simply by asking a question – how was your day? That is an important part of the relationship. But submission to each other may be as simple as the wife giving her husband a few minutes of quiet when he gets home to rest and clear his mind first.  The husband’s submission may be making that time brief and then giving his attention to his wife.

When a couple fails to hear each other or talk to each other, they will tend to grow apart. Thus, it is critical every day to engage in conversation. It is one sign of love of one for another.

2. Listen to God – Jesus said “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they know me.” John 10.27

Likewise, we tend to talk to God in our prayers and don’t give God any time to speak to us or to respond to our prayers.  Quiet time with God as a couple together as well as individually is vital or the health of our marriages as well as our own personal spiritual health.  We miss out on so much because we don’t spend time with God each day.  God knows what we need even before we ask and God can provide it if we are prepared to receive it.                                                                                                                                              But, have we really listened to God?  It is important to note that when Jesus gave the disciples what we know as the Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father, there are three petitions that start the prayer: First, “Hallowed be thy name”. Second, “Thy kingdom come” and Third, “Thy will be done.” Notice that these are prayers for God. It is only after we pray these prayers that Jesus bids us to ask for prayers for our self -our daily need of bread, forgiveness of our sins and guidance in on our way which covers the essentials of our present, past and future.

As any father, God does not grant everything that we ask for. Sometimes, God grants very little or even nothing at times. But He knows the results or consequences when He responds to our requests even more so than the best earthly father.   But it is amazing, if we only discern, what God does do for us if we are only observant. HE GIVES WHAT WE NEED, NOT WHAT WE WANT OR WHAT WE BELIEVE WE WANT.

God does know us better than anyone, even ourselves. What we must do is listen to God.

One great way to do this in marriage is to pray together with our spouse and later, if there are children, with our children. Families that pray together, stay together. A simple but profound truth! True because prayer is seeking our God and source of true help and strength and wisdom.

3. Forgive each other – “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3.13-14

Forgiveness can be one of the ha rdest but most transforming things that we do. And yet, without forgiveness, there can be no reconciliation when we do something wrong and hurt our spouse. Forgiveness starts with true repentance and admitting to the other person that we have made a mistake and ask for forgiveness. Granting forgiveness can be equally hard, but is the only way.

One of the ways in making forgiveness easier to do is to remember what God has forgiveness us much greater sins. But the two are linked. In order to get God’s forgiveness, we must forgive others.

Forgiveness is a unique feature of Christianity. It does not show up in other faiths. We must always remember to forgive.

Ephesians 4:31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ruth Graham, “A successful marriage is made of two good forgivers.”

This key applies to parent relationships with their children as well as to each other.

Ephesians 6:4, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

• We can provoke our children by showing favoritism.  Children know when you have a favorite. Do not compare your child with another child, it hurts them, he advised.
• Our children need confirmation  when we complement good behavior without over-praising them.  Wisdom in learning proper balance is the difficulty of parenting and need for God’s wisdom daily.

4. Submit to each other– Love and respect – “Each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 Wives need love and time from their husbands but husbands desperately need their wive’s respect.Submission is a sign of both love and respect for others. Bill Bright, who with God’s help built one of the largest ministries ever – Campus Crusade, at the end of a meeting would always ask “what can I do for you.” Imagine a busy founder and CEO of a major ministry asking the person he is talking to “what can I do for you.” Yet, this is a sign of love and respect for the other person. It gets other people’s attention and it is amazing the results that submission to others can achieve.

   Submission does have its limits. In terms of intimacy, one only submits to one’s spouse.

   5. Teach the next generation – Deuteronomy 6: 4-7 “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

   This cornerstone hardly needs much explanation. However, it is hardly ever done. In years past, fathers and mothers would pray with their children and often at the dinner table would discuss some aspect of the Bible. Reading the Bible with one’s family was very popular in England in the early 19th century as a result of William Wilberforce and his friends.

   Yet, we have stopped doing this for the most part. We need to Bible studies with our children and with our spouse so that we can grow together as a family. When one does that, it is amazing the results that it can have.

   Teaching the next generation through Bible study though is one of the most important things that one can do, especially within the marriage and within the family unit. It is one of the few things that a parent should insist upon.

   Why Marriage is important
   
   Marriage is important because throughout the Bible the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife points us to the relationship between God and His people and ultimately between Christ and His Church. Jeremiah 31:32, “The time is coming when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand and to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant though I was a husband to them.” God made a covenant with his people and then states that He was their husband linking the covenant between God and His people to the marriage covenant between a man and a woman. In Revelation 19, the wedding of the Lamb, which is Jesus, has come and his bride, the church, has made herself ready.

   In Ephesians 5:28-32, marriage is discussed this way: “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -for we are members of the body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”

   Everyone present at this wedding by responding “I do” to the question “Will you do everything in your power to support these persons?” has an affirmative obligation to do so. The church will also do its part.

Deviation From God’s Perfect Plan

Marriage was designed in heaven for the blessing and good of mankind. It was also meant to portray a wonderful picture of the believer’s relationship to Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 5:21-33). Sinful men have polluted God’s purpose in marriage and have distorted and corrupted the picture.

Today we live in a world system (1 John 2:15) and in a society that cares little about God’s standards. Instead men approve and applaud that which deviates (compare Romans 1:32). This is done not just by pornography which is inundating the land, but also by many television shows, internet postings, radio programs, movies, videos, books, magazines, etc. Today a young person who remains sexually pure until marriage is often considered an oddity and even an object of scorn. It is a very sad thing when the violation of a standard becomes so common that it becomes the norm. Man does what is right in his own eyes (Judges 21:25), and he thinks, “If everyone else is doing it, how can it be wrong?” The believer knows that if God sets the standard in His Word and if man violates what God has said, then it is wrong no matter how many are doing it (see Exodus 23:2).

In Hebrews 13:4 we learn that God sanctions the marriage bed but He strongly warns that His judgment will fall upon those guilty of either of these two things:

1. FORNICATIONis any kind of unlawful sexual intercourse.  Included is sexual immorality, prostitution, premarital sex and even homosexuality as defined in scripture. In Hebrews 13:4 refers primarily to those sexual sins committed by unmarried persons.
2. ADULTERYis a more specific word which refers to a married person having unlawful sexual relations with someone that he or she is not married to. Thus it involves going beyond the marriage relationship to a third person. In Hebrews 13:4 also refers to those sexual sins of unfaithfulness committed by married persons.

Hebrews 13:4 does not condemn sex which is good and honorable and right and part of God’s original plan for mankind when He created man male and female within the marriage bond. However, Hebrews 13:4 strongly condemns sex which is outside of marriage (both premarital sex which is sex before marriage and extramarital sex which is sex during marriage with someone who is not one’s legitimate marriage partner).

Just as on a mountainous road there are often guard rails to help keep the car on the road and prevent a disaster, so also God has good and safe boundaries which man needs to stay within for his own benefit and safety. When it comes to sex there are too many young people who are plunging off the road and falling into disaster, often resulting in wounds that never heal and scars that always remain. Do not deviate from God’s road! Do not turn aside from God’s path! Stay on the road of sexual purity and you will forever be glad that you did. The God who created you surely knows what is best for you. Trust and obey Him!

We hear much talk today about safe sex, but the sex that is being referred to is most often sinful sex (sex outside of the marriage bed, especially premarital sex). So what people are really talking about is SAFE SIN!

The message being broadcast today is this: “It is all right to sin as long as you practice safe sin. Drunkenness is okay is long as someone sober drives you home. Narcotics are okay as long as you use clean needles. Promiscuity is okay as long as you take safe precautions. It is all right to sin, but please, play it safe!” The Bible gives the true perspective: “Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. For the wages of sin is death” (James 1:15; Rom. 6:23).                                                                                                Safe sin is an oxymoron. Like “harmless poison”.  How could a loaded gun be safe for a baby or young child to play with?.  Sin is never safe!  Sin is always dangerous, destructive, and always brings with it disastrous consequences. Joseph was tempted in the direction of “safe sin” (Genesis 39:7-12) but he refused and he abstained, fearing a holy God instead (verse 9).

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass”  (Psalm 37:3-5)

CONCLUSION:   We are beginning a 5 part study on God’s design for marriage and family together.  This is the first part of that journey together.  I hope and pray you will discover with me that God’s boundaries and commands and conduct He judges good and conduct He judges sin and why.  We will discover the freedoms He wants us to enjoy in bonds of marriage and the restraints, for our own good and protection, He insists on as well.   He does so not out of anger but out of a deep love for you and me and a desire for us to be fulfilled in relationship with Him as well as with each other.  Next month we will continue this study with part 2, God willing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As God’s inspired Word to Us, what does The Bible tell us of God’s Design for Family and for Marriage?

PART II

Marriage As God intended!

Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 22:6; Luke 1:38; Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:4

Our entertainment-saturated society helps feed all sorts of illusions about reality. The fantasy of the perfect romantic and sexual relationship, the perfect lifestyle, and the perfect body all prove unattainable because the reality never lives up to the expectation.

Marriage is the foundation of the family, the building block of human civilization. A society that does not honor and protect marriage undermines its very existence. God intended parents to show their children how God intended a marriage to be and how a husband and wife should demonstrate sacrificial love toward each other.

But when husbands and wives fail to do that, their marriage falls short of what God intended. When marriage fails, the whole family falls apart; when the family fails, the whole society suffers. This cycle of destruction has played out in every generation since Adam’s and continues to play out in every country and every town and city. But that need not be because Christ is eager and waiting to show us a better way, His way of redemption.

Now, more than ever before, is the time for Christians to declare and put on display what the Bible declares: God’s standard for marriage and the family is the only standard that can produce meaning, happiness, and fulfillment.

If we do not proactively take an interest in our child’s physical as well as spiritual welfare, someone else will. “That’s not good.” Don’t leave it to the public school or the media to teach values to your child, Laurie said, quoting Proverbs 29:15, “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

Create a thirst in the child for spiritual things by being an example, Create a boundary – what your child can do and what she or he cannot. It’s also important to discipline you kids, he added.

A child is not likely to be delinquent if there are certain things in his or her family. Those things include the father’s firm, fair and consistent discipline; the mother’s supervision and companionship during the day; the parents’ demonstrated affection for each other and for the children; and the family spending time together in activities where all participated.

More than anything else, parents’ responsibility is to point their children to God so that they get to heaven.   Proverbs 22:6  “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

The choices of time are binding in eternity.  The question is, is it a godly or an ungodly legacy. “Family matters… and we are leaving a legacy.”

God as Our Father                       
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16                                                                                                              ROMANS 8:15-17  “¹⁵ For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.¹⁶ The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:¹⁷ And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.”   In the Old Testament the term father refers mostly to earthly fathers.  However, Christ referred to  God as Father and gave us permission to do so too.   The Lord’s Prayer He gave us to pattern and guide our prayers refers to God as “Our Father” in Matthew 5:16.  Romans 8:16 tells us the Holy Spirit bears witness to our spirits that we are God’s children and He is our Father.   The level of intimacy God the Father had with Jesus while on earth and now has with Him in heaven is also the level of intimacy He desires to  have with us and payed dearly for so we can.  We simply need to allow Him to dwell in us and fellowship with us.  That is the work of the Holy Spirit.  God abiding in and with us. 
“What is a Christian?… The richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God as his Father. “  J. I. Packer

When people turn away from God (Romans 1:26-27)

“Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones; in the same way, men committed shameful acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.”

 

Conclusion:

Our God is a relational God.   He is passionately in love with us and desires to be in daily fellowship with us.  He is our Heavenly Father ready to guide and council and help us to a better way of living.  A higher and far better way of living.  He has also designed family as the unit of love and support to help each of us but also to help us understand Him and His relationship with us too.  Marriage is the foundation of the family unit and is key to the family.  A God centered and guided marriage where both partners seek and follow God’s council together is one that will last a lifetime and be a source of life for both partners and all  members of that family.  Such a marriage is a powerful witness to others in the church but also in the community and beyond.

God’s commands against sin are not to ruin our fun or deprive us but to protect us from dangers and ultimate death awaiting those who indulge in it.  When we tolerate or ignore or condone sin in ourselves, our families, and in others is not showing compassion and God’s love to them.  However, showing condemnation and judgment is not productive either and can be just as destructive.

The debate around tolerance or approval of sinful behavior, as defined in scripture, is what society is increasing requiring of Christians.  But God is calling us to a higher level of living that involves a personal relationship with Him, which is only possible when we submit to the Holy Spirit’s invitation to live within us and have a daily relationship with each of us.  God’s standard for marriage and the relationship between spouses is high but vital in order to have a marriage that will withstand the test of time and fulfill the goals God has as well as the dreams marriage partners have.

Likewise, the relationship between parents and children is equally high and only possible when Christ is allowed into that marriage and family.

 

So how should Christians relate to others both in the faith and outside the faith who are struggling with behavior God calls sinful?  Should Christ followers accept that behavior or does God have a better approach?

 

Well, the proper response needs to come only after much prayer and Bible study so response will be from God and not from our own opinions or from pier pressure.  Seeking and submitting to Christ first and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us is foremost.  That response will not condone sin but will point to Christ’s example and instruction.  A response to life and not to sin’s consequences and God’s judgment.

 

If we look at sin from God’s perspective, we need to see all sin as dangerous and destructive and needing avoided without discriminating against some sin and not others.  As we seek a deeper walk with Christ and help in overcoming our sinful natures and weaknesses, we need to show compassion and understanding to others while encouraging them to also seek a deeper walk with Christ to help them with their sinful natures and weaknesses too. 

 

Our Christian calling is for us, as sinners, to help and guide other sinners to Christ’s redemptive and healing salvation and to the Holy Spirit’s sustaining and abiding presence and guidance.   Only God can bring the spirit of conviction to persuade us to repent and come to Christ for salvation and life change.  We can’t.  We can only be ready to share the reason for the hope and life change Christ gives us and point the way to Christ for others.

That is one of the hardest parts of parenting.  We can’t make or force our children to make wise choices but we can show them results of wise choices along with consequences of foolish choices but being there like the prodigal father.  Sparing our children of those consequences likely will not be helpful.  We need to consider how God deals with us.  We also need to remember God loves our children more than we do and is working to draw them back to us and back to Himself.  Back into His Family.

Do we have the right to turn our back on God?  Yes, but at our own peril.  Are we infringing on the rights of others when we share the Gospel with others?   No more than if we warn a car driver of danger ahead.  If we refuse to tell him, we are doing him greater injustice.

Is Jesus the only way to eternal life?  Every religion claims to be the only way to eternal life, so is Jesus the only way or one of many ways?

 

I don’t know about you, but I believe the Bible is the only inspired and accurate Word of God.  John 14:6 “⁶ Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” 

Jesus was clear.  He is the only way to salvation and to eternal life.  He is the only way to the best way to live!

 

JOSHUA  DECIDED “14Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD. 15And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”   JOSHUA 24:14-15

 

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW CHRIST AND LEAD MY FAMILY TO THAT GOAL.  HOW ABOUT YOU?